This is our Season Finale. We discuss our trip to Washington D.C. and our walk to the White House. Then, we talk about the light-colored birch wood of Swedish governance, arguing in a healthy relationship, Chinese public transportation, the Homelessness Crisis, East Coast architecture, McDonalds Mighty Wings and open-faced lobster salad sandwiches.

Also: is President Joe Biden about to be extradited to Finland?

Special thanks to Cooper Shaw, Marissa Rodriguez, Max Loring, Chase Windu, Lacey Starr (not the pornographic actress), Ivan the Benevolent, Sho Sheller, Eric Banh, David Phillips, Megan Suter, Matt King Carty and Julie Kennedy.

Water of the week is Pickle Rick Miracle Seltzer from Rick and Morty, Calamansi Sparkling Water from Sanzo, and Seltzer Water with a Hint of the Dr. Flavor from Kroger.

Support the podcast by purchasing merch: shop.spreadshirt.com/SparklingWater

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Here’s another sleepy episode in honor of the 46th President of the United States: Sleepy Joe Biden! The True Slept King!

This week, we review three flavors of Guava-flavored sparkling water: Guava CBD Seltzer from Queen City Hemp, Pineapple Guava Passionfruit from Organic Brew Dr. Kombucha and Cherry Guava Blend’r from Bubbl’r.

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In the 1970s, Chairman Mao’s political power was fading and he was being sidelined by the establishment. After decades of propaganda, the people loved him personally, and so he decided to circumvent the bureaucracy and speak directly to the people. The Chairman told the people that China was threatened by class enemies that had infiltrated the Party, the military and the cultural sphere, and he told his supporters to take to the street. Question everyone and everything, he said. He encouraged mass rallies and chaos, but he did need to give exact instructions on what to do with class enemies. His supporters knew what to do, and many of Chairman Mao’s former allies were tortured and died in prison.

Was January 6th, 2021 an attempted Cultural Revolution-style moment for President Trump? Are the ‘Hang Mike Pence’ chants a simple Liu Shaoqi moment for the President? Or are we seeing cracks of disillusionment in the conspiracy wing of Trumpism, much like how the idea of Chairman Mao lost the mandate of heaven after Lin Biao? Is President-Elect Biden a Khrushchev-type character? Can the center hold if the military storms the inauguration?

Take a listen and learn from history.

Water of the week is Strawberry-Kiwi from Yerbae, Strawberry-Kiwi from Sparkling Ice, and Strawberry-cucumber from AHA!

Support the pod: shop.spreadshirt.com/sparklingwater

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Tonight, we attempt something new and record an episode during the dead of night. The results are ramblings that are even more incoherent than usual. Also, we should all agree that this is appropriate when talking about Q Anon and the coming Revolutionary War of Memes.

Water of the week is a fourth installment of our Grapefruit Sessions: Cranberry Grapefruit Sparkl’r from Bubbl’r, Grapefruit Quince from Sparkling Botanicals by Rishi and Grapfruit from Clear/Cut Phocus.

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This episode contains big announcements and small questions: What is a game? Why do we play games? What is alcoholic thinking? Why do we always believe that very soon everything will change?

Support the podcast and buy a coffee mug from the official TWSW store: shop.spreadshirt.com/sparklingwater

Water of the week is Blood Orange from Wyld CBD, Blood Orange from Queen City Hemp, and Blood Orange Mango Mingl’r from Bubbl’r.

This week’s episode is dedicated to David Felker who we lost on New Years Eve to the Covid-19 Pandemic.

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Today, we talk about Christmas: A Dream is a Wish your Heart Makes.

Water of the week is a trifecta of heavy hitters from the world of CBD: Lemon Water from Ablis, Lemon Ginger from Boneyard Elixir, and Lemon Lime from Daytrip.

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In this episode, we talk about our conversation with Joakim Senior. The Old Man. The Pasta Papa. Dad. It was a conversation that revealed considerable disintegration, and this is the same cringeworthy disintegration that we see inside of ourselves with all the Joaquim, Joey, Joe, Joakim and Yooajim.

The conclusion is clear: We need a Presidential Records Act to protect all these stupid and contradictory selves.

Water of the week is Raspberry from Wyld CBD, Patagonia Maqui from Sparkling Botanicals by Rishi and Twisted Elix’r from Bubbl’r.

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After reading a brief passage from the Big Book, we drink water from the local apothecary.

Water of the week: Peach from Nice!

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Joakim was dating Julie until six months ago and he always refused to speak openly about the relationship on the podcast—-Why? Because he did not respect her? Because he was afraid of commitment? Because he was self-absorbed and did not care about other people’s emotions?

Let’s discuss.

If you want to buy Julie’s calendar with photos of all the dogs that visit Ha! in Fremont, go to www.etsy.com/shop/dogsofha

Water of the week is Pitaya Berry Nect’r from Bubbl’r, Strawberry Basil from Aura Bora and Raspberry from Spindrift.

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Today, we are reviewing a tiny can of water for a tiny episode of podcast: Polar Seltzer Original, 7.5 Fl Oz (222ml).

Refreshingly Natural.

Happy Thanksgiving.

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A dark rain fell over the police station and an empty taxi quietly turned a corner and disappeared in the night. The city was in a bad mood and the year was long in the tooth, perhaps too long.

 “Gentlemen,” said police chief Jay Inslee without a smile, “Do you know why I’ve called you into my office?”

“I could take a guess,” said Max Loring and flashed that well-known Devil May Care smile, but his loose cannon reputation could not save him. Not this time.

“Sir,” said Joakim Eriksson sheepishly, “Are we in trouble? We’re not in trouble, right?”

“I’m sick and tired of making excuses for you two! You’re an embarrassment to the department! Give me your badge and your gun! You’re off the Vietnam case!”

“But chief…” said Joakim, “I always restock soup cups when it’s not busy!”

“Now!” yelled Chief Inslee.

Max Loring wanted nothing more than to grab the chief’s collar and bark out the old adage: You can’t fire me, I quit!

But he didn’t, because then he’d no longer be entitled to unemployment benefits. And with that, the two renegade cops tucked their tails into the underwear and walked off into the rain-slick night, thinking to themselves: Huh, so that’s it? No more Ba Bar?

Water of the week is another lime supercut: Lemon Lime from Ugly Soda, Yuzu & Lime from Clear/Cut Phocus, Keylime Pie from La Croix, Lime Mint from Voss, Lime from Bubly, Lime from Perrier and Lime from La Croix.

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In this episode, we admit to God, to ourselves, and to our podcast subscribers the exact nature of our wrong. We talk about our deepest fear and most poisonous resentment. Perhaps, by discussing it here–out in the open–we could break our pattern of denial? Perhaps none of it will matter anymore and we will know a new freedom?

Also, we crack open a glass bottle from Japan: Ramuné Premium Carbonated Soft Drink in three flavors. Orange. Peach. Grape.

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*** LOCKED: This Episode is Only For Dolphins. ***

For access, sign up for a paid membership at patreon.com/sparklingwater and send us a message explaining the why and the how.

Are you a true dolphin? Probably not.

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In this episode, we drink the water and ignore what’s actually going on—much like a therapy session in the office of Dr. Huber.

Water of the week: Passionfruit by Queen City Hemp, Passion Orange by Boneyard Elixir CBD Seltzer, Blueberry Passionfruit by Klarbrunn and Passionfruit by La Croix.

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Here, we dive into Joakim’s long journey which ended in a parking lot eating drive-thru chicken from Popeye’s Louisiana Kitchen.

Water of the week is Mango from Soleil by Signature Select, Bubly and Sanzo.

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This is a full autopsy of restaurant life in the Age of the Virus: the mask, the fever, and everything in between.

Water of the week is the Seedlip product line of Distilled Non-Alcoholic Spirits (mixed with Topo Chico): Garden 108, Grove 42 and Spice 94.

(Please visit AmericanDecline.org for a picture of the shirt)

For more Max, please visit www.twitch.tv/maxpowerz

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Here, in another micro episode, we drink the water and that’s about it.

Water of the Week: Lemon Lavender CBD Seltzer from Queen City Hemp, CBD-infused Lemon Flavored Tea by Sprig, and Black Lemon Sparkling Botanicals by Rishi.

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For this episode, we think back on our time with and without Anger. This is a long view of the Blue Star Era—so many omelettes and so little anger—but also a look even further back, to childhood.

Water of the week: Sprig CBD-infused Sparkling Beverage Citrus, Daytrip CBD-infused Sparkling Water Tangerine and Fizzique Sparkling Protein Water Tropical Limon.

If you are interested in trying Daytrip CBD-infused Sparkling Water, head over to wearedaytrip.com and input promo code “bubblebutt” for a special discount.

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For this episode, we speak with an old friend while visiting Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. We reminisce about meeting as young bucks in Shanghai and the strange privilege we enjoyed and abused in those early days. We talk about Chinese society and American society. We disagree on vaccines, coronavirus, masks and every other conspiracy on God’s flat earth—but we are older now, and these disagreements will no longer make the blood boil.

God bless.

Our deepest gratitude is extended to Matt’s entire family for the love and hospitality shown during our visit to the South. This episode even features a small cameo appearance by Matt’s offspring, Lana.

Today is the birthday of our good friend Justin Michael Russel who passed away in 2015. We dedicate this episode to him and raise our glasses of sparkling water–in loving memory. What we wouldn’t do to have that man on the podcast….

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For this week, we are publishing a brief micro-episode and mourning the tectonic drift of one of the three branches of the US government.

Water of the week: Cherry from Ugly Soda, Tart Cherry & Siberian Ginseng for Energy from Free Rain and Orange Cherry Pineapple from Yerbaé.

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Room mate and epidemiologist Megan Suter joins us for a conversation on coronavirus and anxiety. Joakim talks about his lifelong dream of joining a cult and Dr. Suter is worried, but perhaps not worried enough?

Also, we go back to our grown and sexy friend Blood Orange: Clear Cut Phocus, Ablis CBD and Free Rain Enhanced Sparkling Water.

If you enjoy the show, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts.

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In this episode, we enter the confessional and talk about the ex-fiancee.

There is also reason to think of our failed society and the stories we tell ourselves in the Handsome Sad Guy genre of futuristic space movies: Blade Runner 2049, Ad Astra, Her.

Lastly, we drink blackberry-flavored sparkling water: Simple Truth Organic Seltzer Water Blackberry Hibiscus, Blackberry Real-Fruit Infused Sparkling Water with 25mg CBD from WYLD CBD, and the Blackberry & Passionflower For Calm enhanced sparkling water from Free Rain.

Please visit AmericanDecline.org for methods of supporting the podcast.

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Today, we talk about friendship and the many friendship substitutes we’ve created for ourselves: television, twitch streams, and perhaps even podcasts about sparkling water?

Water of the week is watermelon from Good & Gather, La Croix and a strawberry-watermelon-flavored sparkling protein water from Fizzique.

If you enjoy the podcast, please go to Apple Podcasts and leave us a review. God bless.

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In this episode, we talk about difficult-to-explain childhood experiences of mindfulness. Why does the eight year old mind spontaneously and without judgement bring all attention to the present moment?

If you meet the Buddha, kill him.

Water of the week is Peach from Sparkling OH!, Peach Apricot from Yerbana and Apricot from La Croix.

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