70. This Weak in Sparkling Water

This is a throwaway episode where I repeat myself and fail to say anything new. In short, this episode is weak: This Weak in Sparkling Water. Hahahahhaha. Water of the weak is Lavender Chill from Limitless, Lavender Cucumber from Aura Bora, and Pomegranate Hibiscus from Recess.

69. Frozen Strawberry Margarita

Dr. Luke asked if the power outage helped with my sleep cycle. That should make sense, right? The sun goes down and we don’t have power and its dark and we fall asleep, right? So why am I recording this episode at 3AM? The water is White Strawberry & Coconut from Genki Forest, Strawberry Margarita from Polar Seltzer and Strawberry Créme from Signature Select.

67. Not a Christmas Special

Merry Christmas. This next sentence is total word soup: Water of the week is Signature Select Soleil Soleil Mango Passionfruit, Talking Rain + Caffeine Passionfruit, and Bubbl’r Antioxidant Sparkling Water Passion Fruit Wond’r. Not even an Oxford comma can save that one.

65. The Good Morning Episode

This episode is an absolute mess and also an instant classic. Water of the week is Berry Lime Water from Ablis CBD Infusions, calming hemp & adaptogen-infused sparkling water with Blackberry Chai-flavor from Recess, and Mountain Blackberry from Clearly Canadian.

63. Thank you for the beautiful spatula, Mr. Wang

When Julie Kennedy visited California, there was disagreement and there was arguing. In this episode, Joakim tells his side of the story and now we can all see the truth: Joakim is always in the wrong—deep, deep in the wrong. Water of the week is weird citrus: Citrus Ginger from Revive Sparkling Probiotic and two versions of Yuzu from Kimino Sparkling Water (1% juice in a can and 7% juice in a glass bottle).

62. The Land Before Time with Julie Kennedy

She’s back by popular demand. Water of the week is melon: Aura Bora Peppermint Watermelon, Sprig 20mg CBD, and Ramlösa Funktionsvatten med extrakt av gröna kaffebönor och ginseng. There you go. Little bit of Swedish for you there at the end. Doesn’t that feel good?

60. As Empty as Those Who Are Full of Themselves

Does it matter what I write in the episode description? Give us this week our weekly water, as we give water to those who water against us: Strawberry from GreenWise, Strawberry Lemon from Revive Sparkling Probiotic, and Strawberry from Spindrift. Also, the sparkling community would like to thank Bri Lavergne (of the Igers Tampa Lavergnes) for bringing me GreenWise sparkling water all the way from Publix in Florida.

57. How to Welcome a Guest into your Home

In this episode, we drink blackberry-flavored sparkling water and talk about two important Americans: Kanye West and ICE BOY PLUMBING.

Blackberry from Drink Simple Sparkling Maple Water, Revive Sparkling Probiotic Water, and Signature Select Raspberry Blackberry-Flavored Sparkling Water Beverage (DISQUALIFIED).

An Open Letter to Signature Select: First of all, why call it a “Sparkling Water Beverage”? Do you offer sparkling waters which are not beverages? What are they then? Are they used for cleaning? Are they used to restore hair color? What are we doing here? I don’t think you are taking this very seriously. I would really like us to press the reset button and start over from the beginning.

Your Friend, Joakim

Episode also available on YouTube.

56. The Old Man in the Rocking Chair is Always Waiting

Why is Pomegranate the Fruit of Death? Perhaps, in a way, that’s what we’ll answer in this episode.

Ramlösa Funktionsvatten med extrakt från Goji och Acerola smaksatt med Granatäpple, Cascade Ice Organic Pomegrante Mango, Bubbl’r Pomegranate Acai Refresh’r, Fizzique Sparkling Protein Water Pomegranate Punch.

Bla, bla, bla, this podcast is also available on YouTube.

55. Trader Joe’s Dark Chocolate Covered Espresso Beans

In this episode, we touch on David Lynch, San Francisco and Espresso Beans. Then, for the second half, we recount all the memories from fifth grade that will never leave us.

Water of the week is Cola: Clear/Cut Phocus Cola Caffeinated Sparkling Water, Signature Select Caffeine Free Diet Cola, Boneyard Elixir CBD Cola Sparkling Water.

This Week in Sparkling Water is also available on YouTube.

54. Twisty from Burger & Cream

This episode is about the mind of a depressed person. Water of the week is unflavored, since all joy has left and we find ourselves even unable to perceive color: Mineragua from Jarritos, Plain from Talking Rain and Sparkling from Liquid Death. This Week in Sparkling Water is also available on YouTube.

This Week in Washington, D.C.

This is our Season Finale. We discuss our trip to Washington D.C. and our walk to the White House. Then, we talk about the light-colored birch wood of Swedish governance, arguing in a healthy relationship, Chinese public transportation, the Homelessness Crisis, East Coast architecture, McDonalds Mighty Wings and open-faced lobster salad sandwiches.

Also: is President Joe Biden about to be extradited to Finland?

Special thanks to Cooper Shaw, Marissa Rodriguez, Max Loring, Chase Windu, Lacey Starr (not the pornographic actress), Ivan the Benevolent, [REDACTED], Eric Banh, David Phillips, Megan Suter, Matt King Carty and Julie Kennedy.

Water of the week is Pickle Rick Miracle Seltzer from Rick and Morty, Calamansi Sparkling Water from Sanzo, and Seltzer Water with a Hint of the Dr. Flavor from Kroger.

Support the podcast by purchasing merch: shop.spreadshirt.com/SparklingWater

49. Guava & the Passport Bus

Here’s another sleepy episode in honor of the 46th President of the United States: Sleepy Joe Biden! The True Slept King!

This week, we review three flavors of Guava-flavored sparkling water: Guava CBD Seltzer from Queen City Hemp, Pineapple Guava Passionfruit from Organic Brew Dr. Kombucha and Cherry Guava Blend’r from Bubbl’r.

48. The President & The Chairman

In the 1970s, Chairman Mao’s political power was fading and he was being sidelined by the establishment. After decades of propaganda, the people loved him personally, and so he decided to circumvent the bureaucracy and speak directly to the people. The Chairman told the people that China was threatened by class enemies that had infiltrated the Party, the military and the cultural sphere, and he told his supporters to take to the street. Question everyone and everything, he said. He encouraged mass rallies and chaos, but he did need to give exact instructions on what to do with class enemies. His supporters knew what to do, and many of Chairman Mao’s former allies were tortured and died in prison.

Was January 6th, 2021 an attempted Cultural Revolution-style moment for President Trump? Are the ‘Hang Mike Pence’ chants a simple Liu Shaoqi moment for the President? Or are we seeing cracks of disillusionment in the conspiracy wing of Trumpism, much like how the idea of Chairman Mao lost the mandate of heaven after Lin Biao? Is President-Elect Biden a Khrushchev-type character? Can the center hold if the military storms the inauguration?

Take a listen and learn from history.

Water of the week is Strawberry-Kiwi from Yerbae, Strawberry-Kiwi from Sparkling Ice, and Strawberry-cucumber from AHA!

Support the pod: shop.spreadshirt.com/sparklingwater

47. PampleFour & the Nighttime Ramblings

Tonight, we attempt something new and record an episode during the dead of night. The results are ramblings that are even more incoherent than usual. Also, we should all agree that this is appropriate when talking about Q Anon and the coming Revolutionary War of Memes.

Water of the week is a fourth installment of our Grapefruit Sessions: Cranberry Grapefruit Sparkl’r from Bubbl’r, Grapefruit Quince from Sparkling Botanicals by Rishi and Grapfruit from Clear/Cut Phocus.