A dark rain fell over the police station and an empty taxi quietly turned a corner and disappeared in the night. The city was in a bad mood and the year was long in the tooth, perhaps too long.

 “Gentlemen,” said police chief Jay Inslee without a smile, “Do you know why I’ve called you into my office?”

“I could take a guess,” said Max Loring and flashed that well-known Devil May Care smile, but his loose cannon reputation could not save him. Not this time.

“Sir,” said Joakim Eriksson sheepishly, “Are we in trouble? We’re not in trouble, right?”

“I’m sick and tired of making excuses for you two! You’re an embarrassment to the department! Give me your badge and your gun! You’re off the Vietnam case!”

“But chief…” said Joakim, “I always restock soup cups when it’s not busy!”

“Now!” yelled Chief Inslee.

Max Loring wanted nothing more than to grab the chief’s collar and bark out the old adage: You can’t fire me, I quit!

But he didn’t, because then he’d no longer be entitled to unemployment benefits. And with that, the two renegade cops tucked their tails into the underwear and walked off into the rain-slick night, thinking to themselves: Huh, so that’s it? No more Ba Bar?

Water of the week is another lime supercut: Lemon Lime from Ugly Soda, Yuzu & Lime from Clear/Cut Phocus, Keylime Pie from La Croix, Lime Mint from Voss, Lime from Bubly, Lime from Perrier and Lime from La Croix.

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In this episode, we admit to God, to ourselves, and to our podcast subscribers the exact nature of our wrong. We talk about our deepest fear and most poisonous resentment. Perhaps, by discussing it here–out in the open–we could break our pattern of denial? Perhaps none of it will matter anymore and we will know a new freedom?

Also, we crack open a glass bottle from Japan: Ramuné Premium Carbonated Soft Drink in three flavors. Orange. Peach. Grape.

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*** LOCKED: This Episode is Only For Dolphins. ***

For access, sign up for a paid membership at patreon.com/sparklingwater and send us a message explaining the why and the how.

Are you a true dolphin? Probably not.

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In this episode, we drink the water and ignore what’s actually going on—much like a therapy session in the office of Dr. Huber.

Water of the week: Passionfruit by Queen City Hemp, Passion Orange by Boneyard Elixir CBD Seltzer, Blueberry Passionfruit by Klarbrunn and Passionfruit by La Croix.

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Here, we dive into Joakim’s long journey which ended in a parking lot eating drive-thru chicken from Popeye’s Louisiana Kitchen.

Water of the week is Mango from Soleil by Signature Select, Bubly and Sanzo.

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This is a full autopsy of restaurant life in the Age of the Virus: the mask, the fever, and everything in between.

Water of the week is the Seedlip product line of Distilled Non-Alcoholic Spirits (mixed with Topo Chico): Garden 108, Grove 42 and Spice 94.

(Please visit AmericanDecline.org for a picture of the shirt)

For more Max, please visit www.twitch.tv/maxpowerz

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Here, in another micro episode, we drink the water and that’s about it.

Water of the Week: Lemon Lavender CBD Seltzer from Queen City Hemp, CBD-infused Lemon Flavored Tea by Sprig, and Black Lemon Sparkling Botanicals by Rishi.

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For this episode, we think back on our time with and without Anger. This is a long view of the Blue Star Era—so many omelettes and so little anger—but also a look even further back, to childhood.

Water of the week: Sprig CBD-infused Sparkling Beverage Citrus, Daytrip CBD-infused Sparkling Water Tangerine and Fizzique Sparkling Protein Water Tropical Limon.

If you are interested in trying Daytrip CBD-infused Sparkling Water, head over to wearedaytrip.com and input promo code “bubblebutt” for a special discount.

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For this episode, we speak with an old friend while visiting Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. We reminisce about meeting as young bucks in Shanghai and the strange privilege we enjoyed and abused in those early days. We talk about Chinese society and American society. We disagree on vaccines, coronavirus, masks and every other conspiracy on God’s flat earth—but we are older now, and these disagreements will no longer make the blood boil.

God bless.

Our deepest gratitude is extended to Matt’s entire family for the love and hospitality shown during our visit to the South. This episode even features a small cameo appearance by Matt’s offspring, Lana.

Today is the birthday of our good friend Justin Michael Russel who passed away in 2015. We dedicate this episode to him and raise our glasses of sparkling water–in loving memory. What we wouldn’t do to have that man on the podcast….

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For this week, we are publishing a brief micro-episode and mourning the tectonic drift of one of the three branches of the US government.

Water of the week: Cherry from Ugly Soda, Tart Cherry & Siberian Ginseng for Energy from Free Rain and Orange Cherry Pineapple from Yerbaé.

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Room mate and epidemiologist Megan Suter joins us for a conversation on coronavirus and anxiety. Joakim talks about his lifelong dream of joining a cult and Dr. Suter is worried, but perhaps not worried enough?

Also, we go back to our grown and sexy friend Blood Orange: Clear Cut Phocus, Ablis CBD and Free Rain Enhanced Sparkling Water.

If you enjoy the show, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts.

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In this episode, we enter the confessional and talk about the ex-fiancee.

There is also reason to think of our failed society and the stories we tell ourselves in the Handsome Sad Guy genre of futuristic space movies: Blade Runner 2049, Ad Astra, Her.

Lastly, we drink blackberry-flavored sparkling water: Simple Truth Organic Seltzer Water Blackberry Hibiscus, Blackberry Real-Fruit Infused Sparkling Water with 25mg CBD from WYLD CBD, and the Blackberry & Passionflower For Calm enhanced sparkling water from Free Rain.

Please visit AmericanDecline.org for methods of supporting the podcast.

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Today, we talk about friendship and the many friendship substitutes we’ve created for ourselves: television, twitch streams, and perhaps even podcasts about sparkling water?

Water of the week is watermelon from Good & Gather, La Croix and a strawberry-watermelon-flavored sparkling protein water from Fizzique.

If you enjoy the podcast, please go to Apple Podcasts and leave us a review. God bless.

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In this episode, we talk about difficult-to-explain childhood experiences of mindfulness. Why does the eight year old mind spontaneously and without judgement bring all attention to the present moment?

If you meet the Buddha, kill him.

Water of the week is Peach from Sparkling OH!, Peach Apricot from Yerbana and Apricot from La Croix.

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In this episode, we learn about the strange layers of Schisandra Chinensis, the five flavor fruit of the Russian Far East. We also indulge in the enjoyable recollection of events from the grade school era.

Water of the week is Trader Joe’s Sparkling Mineral Water Mixed Berry, Sparkling Yerbaé Pomegranate Berry, and Schisandra Berry from the Sparkling Botanicals line by Rishi.

Please visit AmericanDecline.org for links to our store and Patreon.

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This is the first part of our David Phillips session (the second part was published last week) recorded during out visit to Portland Oregon.

We take a medical history on Dave and he dives into his uncomfortable and mouth-discoloring bouts with the flesh of Indonesian Tumeric. We briefly touch on the topics of Luciakatter (Swedish Saffron Buns), cardamom buns, Burma, the Nobel peace prize, and rhizomes, and then we focus on the big stuff: What actually happened while we were living together in Shanghai? And was it right?

Water of the week is a flight of turmeric-flavored crispy bois: Turmeric Gloe Blood Orange Sparkling, the turmeric saffron flavor from the line of Sparkling Botanicals by Rishi and Honey Lime Tonic with whole ginger and turmeric from Rhizome.

If you want to support the podcast, please visit AmericanDecline.org

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For this episode we drink sparkling erva-mate and then we go full Freudian: What are our parents? Can we stop talking to our parents for a period? What is our relationship with ourselves? Did they create us, only to destroy us? And then we get fairly honest about how bad things can get and why things can always get worse.

Water of the week is mint sparkling Yerba Mate: Clean Cause Berry Mint, Yerbana Mint and Guayakí Blackberry Mint.

To support the podcast, visit AmericanDecline.org for links to our store and Patreon.

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Social Justice Warrior Marissa invites us into the kaleidoscopic world of Seattle Dating and the narrative culminates with a philosophical conundrum on a picnic blanket where Marissa is for forced to choose between her political convictions and her sexual desires.

A riveting tale of real-life intrigue and drama. Five stars.

Water of the week is Ananasas from Simple Truth Organic and Trader Joe’s Sparkling Mineral Water.

Please visit AmericanDecline.org for a opportunity to support the podcast.

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We cannot plan for these conversations. When the time is right, these things simply happen. In this episode, we open up about sexual trauma and the road to a shared understanding of bad experiences.

Water of the week is Alt-Citrus: Trader Joe’s Sparkling Coconut Water with Yuzu, Klarbrunn’s Pomelo Grapefruit and Trader Joe’s Cranberry Clementine Sparkling Mineral Water.

Please visit AmericanDecline.org for links to our store and instructions on how to be a Basic Bubble Boy.

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Today, in honor of the 1776 federal holiday of July 4th Independence from Natives, we speak to Proud Citizen Max Loring about pineapples and American exceptionalism.

You have all heard about Reagan-Democrats and Obama-Trump voters. Well, get ready, because you’re about to meet a man with two types of love in his heart: In 2008, a love for Hillary Clinton during the democratic primary and, in 2019, a love for Donald Trump’s reelection campaign.

Let’s raise a glass of sparkling water to all the Hillary-Trump voters out there.

Water of the week is Pineapple-Coconut from Soleil by Signature Select, Good & Gather, and Klarbrunn. Please visit AmericanDecline.org to learn more about how to become a Basic Bubble Boy in support of the podcast.

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